Learning To Love
by Eurral Eseret
Summary: I knew it was strange for me to be thinking this way. To think that I may have a purpose in life besides killing, and bringing despair onto the world. It was strange for me to have such optimism, such…hope. Jasper and Alice's journey to the Cullens.
1. You've Kept Me Waiting

**A/N: Yes, it is another one of _those_ stories. But as a true Jasper lover I couldn't resist doing my own version. I promise I will personalize it. Most likely all of it will be in Jasper's point of view, but I might change it once they make it to the Cullens. I'm hoping updates will be weekly, let's just pray my schedule works out that way. I hate summer school. And thank you to my wonderful Beta, _Passion Assassin. _**

* * *

Chapter One: "You've Kept Me Waiting."

I tried my hardest to search for the best distraction. Well, any distraction really. Like the sound of the rain falling on the solid pavement drop after drop. Or the echo of crashing thunder that rang through the sky, following each bright flash of lightning. The smell of humidity and gasoline, even the green of nearby bushes and trees. _Anything_; anything at all that could distract me from the torturous burning of my throat. But it was simply no use, it was too painful. It was my strongest need and burning desire. And as the streets began to clear, I became more and more noticeable. It was simply a matter of time before I caught someone's attention.

I wasn't used to this. And I didn't find pleasure in doing things I'm not accustomed to. Walking around during the day always seemed too risky for me; I felt too exposed. My eyes were too dark for anyone to notice the burgundy shade, but with that 'up' came the 'down'. The down being my thirst. I had been ignoring it. Starving myself. Something of which I knew was irresponsible. By doing this I was more likely to spring at any moment, all the more likely to make a spectacle of myself. But I wouldn't feed; I _couldn't_. The pain that came with feeding had become too much to bear. It mattered not what they were feeling; every single ounce of fear, sadness, or grief would wash upon me as I drained them of their fluids. I would endure the dry burning of my throat surrogate to the depression which accompanied feeding, each day, and I would continue to tell myself so until feeding finally became a necessity. Then I would fall into a deep state of despair, in which the only solution to overcoming was to starve myself once more.

I had been continuing this unhealthy pattern for some time now. It started only a few weeks after Peter had come to take me away from my hellish life. Peter was worried about me. He cared about me, loved me. This, I knew. That was why I had to leave. My constant desolation was ruining his life with Charlotte, and I couldn't bear to be responsible for that. He had begged me to stay, although that's likely because he was afraid I'd get myself in some sort of trouble without him watching my posterior. Funny, I thought I was the one who was supposed to be taking care of him. But he really didn't need me running his life anymore. I was no longer his commander, and he was no longer my second-in-command. He had Charlotte to dictate him now, more than what he needed. Her constant nagging to get up off my dispirited rear and feed myself had begun to take its toll on me. 'Do what you were created to do.' She had said.

But that's just the thing: I was created to kill. I was a war machine, a monster.

That was my only purpose in this life, and it only brought me grief and agony.

People were beginning to stare and whisper amongst themselves. They stood, huddled together on street corners, searching for warmth and cowering under umbrellas to protect themselves from the rain while they waited for a taxi. I, on the contrary, was doing none of those things. None of those _human_ things that would make me appear more normal. I was nearing the end of the block where another group of people stood. Their wavering scents caused the blazing in my throat to increase, and I immediately ceased to breathe. I ducked into a small, cheap-looking diner in order to avoid suspicion, and silently praised whatever God existed that it was half empty.

A tiny chime rang through the room when I pushed the door open, alerting everyone in the diner that I had entered the building. I literally only had a split second to breathe before a small brunette turned in her high stool. Her scent filled my lungs, but it didn't burn my throat. She smelt of shampoo and lilac, both a mouthwatering and inhuman scent. My muscles tightened as soon as she hopped off the stool, and I flinched when the door noisily slammed closed behind me. I wasn't sure what to do. Part of me wanted to run, or prepare to defend myself, but the sweet smile she wore told me to do otherwise. The way she walked towards me was almost like a dance, and she was _damn_ graceful. Her short, dark, spiky hair helped shape her small diamond face. Her small features made her almost pixie-like, and she _was_ short. She couldn't be over 4'10", but the delicate curves visible through her baby pink blouse and short black business skirt made it clear that she was a woman and not a child. She stood in front of me, where it was easy for me to feel the emotions radiating off of her. They were nothing like I had ever felt before. Happiness, excitement, peace, love, and just a subtle hint of lust hidden behind it all. The strangest thing was that they were all directed towards _me_.

I looked down at her, knowing that my expression was one of confusion, but she just continued to beam up at me. She had difficulties doing so; she had to crane her neck in order to adjust to my 6'3".

"You've kept me waiting a long time." She said. Her voice was like music. Like bells. Childish, even. My eyebrows knitted together as my confusion increased, but I bowed my head politely anyways.

"I'm sorry, ma'am." I drawled. As if it was even possible, her smile grew brighter, and the most adorable sound rang past her perfect pink lips. Her joyful giggle had me hypnotized, and I felt a smirk tugging at my own lips. She held out her hand for me to take, and I took it in a second, tenderly bringing to my lips. I placed a soft kiss on her smooth skin, enjoying every moment. I felt her slight embarrassment seep out as she giggled once more, and by the time I pulled my lips away, a full-blown smile was painted across my face. It was then that I noticed her eyes. Large, bright orbs of golden honey nestled under thick black lashes. They were strange. But they were also, undoubtedly, beautiful.

"Would you mind sitting with me, Jasper?" She asked. It took me awhile to realize that she had used my name, and I quickly back-tracked to see if I had already introduced myself. But I hadn't. I was sure of it…right? Perhaps…

"Not at all." I answered, and I followed her to a small booth in the back of the room. I observed her from behind as she did her little dance over to the table, admiring her tiny figure and all the energy that was stored in it. I slid in across from her, folding my hands on top of the table. It didn't take long for a waitress to arrive at the table, wearing an apron and a name tag that read 'Margi'.

"Well, well, well, look who finally decided to show up." She commented, smacking her gum. She placed a hand – the one that wasn't holding the tiny notepad - on her hip, causing a piece of her red hair - that wasn't tucked into her ponytail - to fall in front of her face. Her dark green eyes scanned over me, and I tried to ignore the sweet cinnamon-like scent that was wavering from her.

"Looks like he was worth the wait." She said, sending the tiny brunette across from me a wink.

The pixie's face lit up, nodding. "He was." She said, giving me another smile. She brought her hands up from under the table, and placed them over mine. They were so small and delicate, and could barely cover my fist. I felt another rush of wonderful emotions sent my way, and smiled back. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, and for a moment I was completely oblivious to Margi's sent.

"What can I getcha darlin'?" I heard the redhead ask. Since I was too caught up looking into the brunette's beautiful eyes, I didn't realize she was talking to me. But the silence called to my attention, and I opened my mouth to speak. However, I was beaten too it.

"Two coffees please." The girl said. She didn't break our gaze though, and she squeezed gently over my folded hands. I noticed the second Margi walked away, and figured it was the appropriate time to ask questions. Without moving my hands away, I opened my mouth to speak once more. But once again, I was cut off.

"Alice." She said. "My name is Alice."

I smiled, although I was still confused.

"Well it's a pleasure to meet you Miss Alice, my name is Jasper." I said. "But you already knew that."

She smiled back at me, giggling lightly. Once the waitress came back with our mugs of coffee, she broke the contact between us, wrapping her hands around her mug. I followed her example, but still felt a sense of loss. I watched as she actually took a tiny sip of the disgusting brown liquid, and felt my dead heart leap when her little nose scrunched up in the most adorable way. I looked down at my own mug, smiling softly to myself while enjoying the tranquil emotional climate this tiny brunette carried with her.

"How did you know?" I was finally able to ask. I looked back up towards her, where I found knowing eyes and a cute little mouth ready to answer my question.

"Know what?" She asked. She set her mug down, but kept her small hands wrapped around it. I noticed the perfectly even-coated nail polish that she wore as she tapped her fingers against the cup.

"Everything." I said. "Where I was, my name, the last two things I was about to say…"

I trailed off, being caught speechless again by the smile that graced upon her lips. She began to tracing the rim of the mug with her index finger, starring down at her reflection in the mocha liquid.

"Well..." She began, her voice perking up. "How should I begin?" She asked me.

I chuckled lightly to myself, and watched as her face lit up at the sound.

"At the beginin' would be nice, Miss Alice." I replied, my southern twang entwining with the words. I felt the emotional change that my accent caused her. The lust that was hidden behind the happiness, joy, and excitement began to show more. I smirked at that. And she must have noticed, since her next emotion was one of embarrassment. She looked up at me under those thick, long, black lashes and began her story.

"I awoke in Biloxi, Mississippi. I was confused. And all I could tell was that I was in a park, and it was dark. I didn't know what I was then. I was alone and I couldn't remember anything. All I could…well _can_ remember is the name 'Alice'." She stopped to laugh, only this time it wasn't musical; there was no humor. "I'm not even sure if that's my real name."

I could tell this fact disturbed her, for emotions of sadness began to emanate from her. As if it were instinct, I reached across the table to take her hands in my own, and smiled softly when the sadness began to slip away.

"My throat was burning, and I was wearing hospital clothes. I began walking around the park, calling for help, but for a long while nobody came. Finally a park ranger showed up, but when he came to assist me something inside of me snapped. His smell. It was so…alluring. And once he got close enough…" She stopped, closing her eyes. I gave her hands a gentle squeeze once I felt the sadness return.

"Soon after that event I realized what I was, and it scared me. I thought I was destined to kill and to be alone for the rest of my life. But then everything changed." She smiled at the memory, and I felt her joy and excitement return at a rapid pace.

"I can see the future." She explained, "And my very first vision was of you, coming to this exact diner. And I don't know why, but I just knew I had to meet you here."

I had to admit to myself that I was slightly alarmed by all of this, but for some reason that didn't matter. I found myself agreeing with her. After all, what are the chances that her first vision would be of me? Out of all the vampires in the world? I knew it was strange for me to be thinking this way. To think that I may have a purpose in life besides killing, and bringing despair onto the world. It was strange for me to have such optimism, such…hope.

"I focused on your image a lot after that." She said to me. I smirked as she continued on. "I kept tabs on you, searching your surroundings for any clues of where you could be. I was hoping to meet you before you came to the diner, maybe even visit you at Charlotte and Peter's house."

I continued to grin as she explained, for her excitement levels were through the roof. How could something so small have so much energy?

"You know about Peter and Charlotte?" I asked her.

She nodded, grinning. "They seem like such nice people. It must have been a joy living with them for your entire vampiric life."

That's when my heart sank. Here I thought she knew everything about me. About my years with Maria, the killing, the violence, the excessive feeding…_everything_. But no, she probably thinks that I'm an average nomadic vampire of whom she could easily befriend. That's probably what she came here looking for, and she would most likely run for the hills if she truly knew who I was.

"But you've been troubled lately." She said softly, "I saw you talking to Peter about it. How your ability to sense emotions interferes with your feeding. You feel their fear and sadness, and become depressed every time you feed…"

I looked up at her, and found complete understanding in her eyes. I was comforted by this, and wanted nothing more than to stay with this beautiful creature for the rest of my life. She removed one hand from underneath mine, and leaned across the table to bring it to my face. I closed my eyes, enjoying her touch as she brushed the pad of her thumb across the dark shadow under my eye.

"You've been starving yourself again." She whispered. "I really wish you would stop doing that."

Waves of concern radiated towards me, and I realized that my own pain upset her. I would never want to do anything to upset her. Her hand left my face, but I didn't open my eyes to see where they ended up.

"I…I'm sorry. It's just …I have no other options." I stuttered. I opened my lids slowly and looked into her golden eyes. I was surprised to see the soft smile that she held on her lips.

"But you do!" She exclaimed, "My second vision, it was of a family called the Cullens, and they live by feeding off the blood of animals. That's why my eyes are this color, and although it's not the best taste in the world, you would no longer have to feel pain while you feed. I'm headed to them now, and I want you to come with me."

I looked at her in shock and disbelief. Vampires feeding off animals…who has ever heard such a thing? And what did she mean by a family? It's impossible for vampires to have families since we cannot reproduce.

I wasn't sure what question to ask first, so I was thankful when she just started explaining everything.

"I know you probably don't believe me; the few vampires I ran into while searching for you thought I was crazy! But I promise you that it's possible. It's how I've been living for quite some time now." She told me.

I slowly nodded my head, still not certain if she really wasn't crazy.

"And what about these Cullens, how is it possible for them to be a family?" I asked. Her smile and excitement levels grew exponentially at the mentioning of these vampires, striking a bit of jealously in my own emotions.

"They aren't biologically related, but their leader, Carlisle Cullen, he likes to think of his coven as a family. He and his mate Esme are much like the parents while the rest are their children. They even attend school!" She explained happily.

_School?_ How is it possible for vampires to be in such close contact with humans and not go on a wild massacre? And is she telling me there's more than three? How big _is_ this coven?

Too many questions were running through my mind, and we couldn't stay at this diner long enough for her to answer them all.

"Miss Alice, would it be so rude of me to ask if we could discuss this somewhere else? Perhaps somewhere a bit more private?" I asked her. She smiled at me, her head slowly nodding up and down.

"Not rude at all!" She announced brightly, "Perhaps a hunt would help clear your head? I didn't mean to shove all of this down your throat at once…"

I watched as she rose from the booth, and danced over to the high stool where she had left her purse. She came back, and took out a bill to leave on the table.

I bit my lip, contemplating this hunt.

Should I try it? Will I really not feel any form of pain while I feed? I suppose it's worth some sort of shot…

"No humans?" I questioned, just to be sure.

She smiled down at me, holding out her hand for me to take.

"No humans." She assured me.

* * *

**A/N: Please Review.**


	2. Quite Extraordinary, Isn't It?

**A/N: A bit boring I'll admit...but I'll have to pull Jasper out of his constant musings eventually... **

* * *

Chapter Two

The night had begun to clear. Any of the few storm clouds left in the tenebrous night sky were beginning to separate and dissipate completely. It was impossible for me to feel the moisture that lingered in the air, but I could smell it. And by observing the leaves on the trees nearby, one could see that there was a soft breeze disquieting the atmosphere. No one was out on the streets any longer; they were all inside, fast asleep, oblivious. As if there weren't two highly dangerous creatures prowling through their town. All was quiet. I could smell the damp grass and the rotting bark of the trees. The sound of insects fretting about in excitement rose from the wet soil. I could feel the openness of the air and the solid ground beneath my feet… I could sense all those things, but they weren't the things I was truly paying attention to. No, it was _impossible _to pay attention to all the tiny details. Impossible when I could smell a superior scent, the scent of lilac and shampoo, wavering through the night in close proximity to me. And when I could hear soft breathing, along with light, graceful taps against the earth. I could feel happiness, peace, joy, excitement, lust, and love. I could feel _her_. And she was all I wanted to feel.

My eyes were now a bright vibrant red, with wiry streaks of gold intertwined. A result of feeding from animal blood for the first time. Alice said that it would take awhile before my eyes matched her color. That is, of course, if I chose to continue with this lifestyle. I wanted to, though. If not just for me, then for her. I wanted to be with her, whether it was in a romantic way or not. And although she did have feelings of love for me, I couldn't be sure that they were more than a brotherly love. And even if that was the case, I still had difficulties believing that the emotion was even there at all. For why would someone feel such a thing for a monster such as I? And I knew that a relationship couldn't be constructed from the mere physical attraction she also harbored for me…

Then, there was another question: was I in love with her? I had only just met the girl…yet something inside of me told me I did. But for now, she was simply an acquaintance. Possibly even a friend. In addition to the fact that I'm not even exactly sure I know what love is. I had felt true love before of course, but it had never been mine. The bond between Charlotte and Peter was unbreakable, and that had given me some sense of the emotion. But I had never given such affection to a single being. Never have I the desire to be near someone so much, to be anything they need and with them always. To be a part of them, to _be_ their life.

_But then I met her._

I remember having a conversation with Peter about this very topic. About the possibility of me ever finding a mate. Like most of our conversations, we found ourselves on opposing sides. Peter believed that it was my own behavior hindering me from seeing others in a romantically. He had convinced me that I was in some sort of denial, as though I couldn't allow myself to let go of Maria. Of course I had told him he was insane, and that I - in no way – continued to be attached to her. _It wasn't love_, I told him. I said these things not only because they were true, but also because I thought it was a malfunction in my entire being. Some illness that I had, that made me incapable of showing such a strong amount of affection towards one person…Yet, here I was. Here I was with this beautiful creature, ready to attempt it.

"How was it?" She asked me. I turned to her, my head tilted down in order to view her beautiful face. We were walking together back to her hotel room. Of course I found it rather inappropriate, but she wasn't opposed to it. She had said that it would give us the privacy I had asked for in the diner, a place for us to talk about things. To talk about the Cullens.

I knew that it was _much_ too early for me to judge, but I already had an opinion about the Cullens. For me, they were competition. The way she spoke of them in the diner made me feel as though they were just as an important discovery as I was, as though either one would suffice. _But she had come to find me first, that had to mean _something_, right?_ I didn't know. And I knew that I shouldn't care. After all, I had told myself I didn't need to be with her romantically. And she had told me that she wanted me to come with her, to join the Cullens and be part of their _family_. For us to look up to their leaders, Carlisle and his mate Esme, as our _parents_. What would that make us? Siblings?

"Honestly?" I asked. She smiled up at me, a breath-taking smile, before turning her attention back in front of her.

"Honestly." She responded, with just a hint of laughter in her voice. I blew out a dramatic breath as I tore my gaze away from her face.

"Disgusting." I stated. She laughed at that, her infectious giggles breaking the silence of the peaceful night. "But…" I began, turning towards her again, "I felt nothing. It was a relief. Thank you."

And I had meant my words. The taste had been fowl, _so_ fowl that it had almost been a struggle to keep the horribly bitter taste inside of my throat. Human blood was much more satisfying in taste, much sweeter, easier to consume. But that wasn't the only difference between the two forms of hunting. While draining the corpse of the limp animal, I was filled with nothing but relief. Relief that my thirst was finally being quenched. Relief that for once…I didn't have to endure every ounce of pain that my victim was going through.

She smiled shyly down at the ground, murmuring something of which sounded like 'you're welcome.'

My hand twitched at my side, as I longed to take her hand in my own once more, but I fought the urge. To make any further advances on her would be too much, and she was much more of a respectable woman than any other I had been with. _Wonderful_, I thought, _another topic to add to the list of things she didn't know about me_.

We continued to walk in silence until we finally came to the entrance of the hotel. I followed close behind her as we traveled up three flights of stairs in a matter of seconds, and arrived at a room labeled 153B. She took out the key and began to tug at the locks for a moment. I watched as her delicate fingers twirled the metal gracefully in order to grant access to the room, but then my eyes began to linger elsewhere. I grazed over her perfect form, her subtle curves and slender thighs. My eyes had a mind of their own as they traveled all the way down to her small feet, and began the slow journey back up. When I did, however, I saw that she had already entered the room.

I stood frozen, embarrassed that I had been caught staring. She pulled the keys out of the door with an innocent look on her perfect face.

"Jasper? Are you coming in?" She asked. Her bright gold eyes looked to me in wonder. _Well, perhaps I hadn't been caught_. I could feel the concern that radiated off of her. I swallowed hard, and attempted to push away the inappropriate thoughts in order to put a smile on my face.

"Yes, of course." I answered quietly. I followed in after her without a sound, and observed as she danced happily to the queen-sized mattress that lay in the middle of the room. She seated herself directly in the center, sitting cross-legged and looking my direction. She placed a hand down on the bed further in front of her, offering the spot to me. As appealing as the idea had been, I simply had to reject it. I began to make my way over to the chair in the corner, and nodded politely to her as I passed. A seconds worth of hurt feelings was pushed onto me, which was more than enough to make me feel bad for making her upset.

"I apologize Miss Alice. But to be in the same bed as you…when we're not...well…" I tried to explain, but I couldn't get myself to say the words. What was I supposed to say? 'I'm sorry, but unless we're sleeping together, or _involved_ in some way, I can't sit in that bed with you.'

"I understand." She said in a small voice. She confirmed her words with a small nod. She also bit her lip, as if she had something else to say, but then swallowed it down.

I didn't like the atmosphere in the room, all of the sudden it was uneasy and complicated. Not simple and light-hearted as it had been back in the diner. I felt guilty just from considering the option of altering her mood in order to fix things, for in a way it felt as if I were violating her. Instead, I attempted to make verbal amends.

"So back to your second vision…the Cullens. How many are there?" I offered. The smile came back on her lips, and her eyes were quickly refilled with excitement. All the brilliant emotions re-entered the room in order to battle it out with my small spike of jealousy. She clasped her hands together in delight and placed them in her lap.

"There are five of them currently." She answered excitedly. "As I said before, Carlisle is the leader."

I nodded, not being able to help the smile that came across my face from seeing her so happy.

"There's him and his mate Esme…Well, actually his _wife_ Esme. They're married. They all are…except for Edward." She babbled on.

My eyebrows creased together in confusion.

"_Married?_" I asked in disbelief. This seemed to be getting more and more unbelievable by the second, yet she seemed to be overjoyed by every little detail. Why would vampires get married? How _could _they get married? What was even the _point_ of getting married when you're immortal?

Her tiny head bobbed up and down, her grin ear to ear.

"Yes! Married! Can you believe it? They all had traditional ceremonies and everything!" She elaborated.

"You mean there are more couples in the family?" I asked. And I had asked with a little too much hope. Hope that most definitely should not have been there. But the idea had made me curious…for, if she saw us joining the Cullens together; did that mean she saw us…well…_together?_

"Yes." She confirmed, "Emmett Cullen is the strongest in the family, he's much built and very _large._ He's partners with Rosalie, who is most likely the most gorgeous woman you've ever seen."

I couldn't help the smile that came across my face as I mentally laughed at the words I knew were false. Nothing could be more stunning then she was, nothing could ever compare. And it made me angry that she would think differently.

"I doubt it." I breathed, unable not to speak the words. There was a brief silence before she giggled softly, glancing shyly down at her hands as she comprehended the meaning of my statement.

"Continue, please." I urged. However, I was actually rather pleased that I had managed to distract her.

"And then there is Edward. He has an extra ability, just as we do, that allows him to read the minds of those in certain proximity of him. Quite extraordinary, isn't it?" She said.

I nodded in agreement, only slightly impressed. I could only imagine that dwelling in the same house as this man would become a bother at some point.

"He doesn't have a mate though. It's rather depressing at points… to watch him as he sits alone at his piano, having to live with the thoughts of four other people- who are all madly in love- just rushing through his mind 24 hours each day." She murmured this information quietly, her emotions showing exactly how much this thought disturbed her. I wanted to comfort her, or give her my words of agreement, but I couldn't. I had begun to think that maybe it wasn't the family as a whole that I had reason to believe were competition, but simply one among the rest.

No. I had to stop thinking these things. I wasn't competing against anyone; Alice wasn't just a trophy to be won. No. She was not. She was beautiful, sincere, and hopeful. She was by far the most delightful creature I had ever come across, and I would not taint her perfect image with my selfish fantasies. For now it was only a matter of answering her question: whether or not I would accompany her in order to join the Cullens. It truly wasn't a question worth asking, for it was clear that I would follow her anywhere, but my opinion on the family remained foggy. I wasn't comfortable walking into the unknown.

"I want you to come with me Jasper; you can have a better life there." She whispered softly. She moved forward, coming towards the edge of the bed in order to be closer to me.

I smiled to her, and looked into her vibrant, gleaming, golden eyes. Her face lit up at the sight of my expression, and she continued to hold my gaze. Joy, peace, happiness, and love entered my system, emanating off of her at a pace that almost seemed violent. This climate was something I could get used to. This climate…was something I enjoyed.

"I'll come. Where ever you go, I'll follow."

* * *

**A/N: Please Review. And Thanks to my amazing Beta, _Passion Assassin_.**


	3. Do They Hurt?

**A/N: Sorry for this being late! Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

Chapter Three: "Do They Hurt?"

My fingers gripped tighter against the flimsy stone of the counter. I felt the solid material begin to crack underneath the pressure as I continued to glare at my own image. Who had ever come up with the idea of reflective surfaces? I pondered as I studied my reflection. The monster within had gleaming red eyes and ravaged skin. Flesh that had been bitten and clawed at for most of its existence. The crescent shapes were _everywhere_, overlapping repeatedly again and again. They were raised above the natural surface, like uneven welts, causing the face to look almost inflamed. The disfigurement didn't even cease at the face. No, they continued down across jaw line, and then traveled down the neck. Piling over more than ever, and screaming the word _**dangerous**_ to whatever immortal was to pass by. That's when they _really_ became visible. Across his collar bone, over the planes of the chest, biting right through the abdominals…a never ending pattern of half-moons that were there to remind him of what he truly was. I _was_ the monster. I was **death**.

What had I been thinking back in the diner? Why had I ever thought that I would be able to keep my past from her? She had seen these scars when she looked at my face. She had to have seen these scars in her visions, before she ever met me in person. Why _had_ she come to find me?

And yet she knew nothing of it. She hadn't reacted to the sight of my face like she should have. She didn't hiss or try to defend herself. She didn't turn and retreat in the other direction. She didn't even _flinch_, or stop to_ consider_ the possibility that I might be dangerous! No. Instead she _marveled_ at it, as if I were a work of art.

I sighed, knowing that the question would soon become inevitable. She would ask eventually. She would want to know.

A knock on the door pulled me away from my self- loathing. I clenched my teeth together, feeling her concern from the other room.

"Jasper? Are you alright? I can feel your… _detestation_, from out here…Is something wrong?" Her bell-like voice called through the door. I closed my eyes immediately, silently cursing at myself as I tried to get a grip on my own emotions.

"Yes. I'm fine. I apologize. I didn't realize…" I trailed off, catching my reflection again when I opened my lids. "I'll be out in a moment."

I zipped up the pair of dirty jeans that hung loosely from my waist, and grabbed onto the button-down shirt that dangled from the towel rack. I listened to see if she had backed away from the door as I slid the material over my shoulders, hurriedly folding each button into place. I tried the best I could to press my damp hair down against my forehead in somewhat of a neat manner before opening the bathroom door.

She sat at the edge of the bed, one leg folded under the other. She smiled at me as I emerged, and sprung up to her feet at once. I walked a few steps closer to her, smiling back. She craned her neck in order to look up at my face, giggled, and then rose herself on the tips of her toes so she could run her hand through my golden locks- reversing the small amount of effort I put into looking presentable.

"You need new clothes." She stated, excitement ringing in her tone.

My eyebrows knitted together in confusion. New clothes? To me these _were_ new. I had taken them off the back of my last male victim, the same way I always retrieved such necessities. But she couldn't possibly mean _that _way of obtaining clothing, not from how averse she seemed to be when it came to the murder of humans… Theft, perhaps?

"We should go shopping before the sun comes out. It should be drizzling for most of the afternoon, though." She said. I turned my attention to the window, surprised to already see the bright light illuminating from behind the thick cover of clouds. The night had passed all too quickly. We had spent most of it deciding the most productive routes that we could take in order to travel to the Cullens. But now that we had one singled out, it all seemed too real.

And now she spoke of shopping. Wow. I hadn't been shopping in god knows how long. It was then that I noticed her change of wardrobe. She now wore a black tailored coat - that was much more weather appropriate then the blouse she wore before - along with nice, expensive looking dress pants. I supposed that my more country look wouldn't fit in as much up here in the North.

"I don't exactly have a bank account Miss Alice…" I told her, a sheepish grin on my face. But then again, I shouldn't have been embarrassed. It was really her that should feel as though she were an outcast. Vampires didn't need money. Our strength, speed, and over-all agility was enough to provide us with anything we could ever possibly want. Of course I wasn't _entirely _broke; I did have a rather decent amount of cash tucked away in a tin box back at Peter's place.

"But _I_ do." She answered happily, dancing over to the far end of the room in order to remove her purse from the coffee table. My grin fell, guilt seeping into me almost immediately. I most certainly didn't want to become some form of a financial burden. Taking any amount of money from the girl seemed to be of the utmost rudeness.

"Miss Alice, I couldn't…" I tried to object, but she wasn't having any of it.

"Don't be silly Jasper, of course you can. And would you _please_ stop with the _Miss_ Alice? You can call me Alice. _Ali_ if you prefer." She told me. I noticed how much effort she was putting into appearing annoyed, but she couldn't fool me. I was easily able to tell how much the formal address flattered her. I smirked anyways.

"Ali." I said, enjoying the way it sounded when mixed in with my southern tongue. She did as well. Her smile grew brighter, and her lust came forward just a bit more.

"Very well then." She said, reaching for my hand. I took it without second thought, and allowed her to lead me out the door.

* * *

I continued to be tugged through the streets, weaving in and out of numerous people who were also taking advantage of the cooler weather. The burning in my throat was less of a burden since I had been hunting recently, but it was still there, and still very much of a threat.

I gave a low chuckle at how much excitement this activity brought her, and silently wondered how much money she could possibly_ have_ in that purse; as I was already elbow high in brown paper bags. This couldn't go on much longer, could it? My lord I sure hope not…

"Just one more!" She promised, sensing my discomfort. She dragged me into a small haberdashery, nothing but pure delight on her face. I eternally groaned, now knowing the purpose of the clean collared shirts she all but forced upon me.

"A tie? _Really_ Alice? When will this _ever_ become necessary?" I complained. She did nothing but laugh at me, shoving a specific bag onto my chest. I sighed, rolling my eyes and dropping the rest of the bags as I made my way to the single dressing room in the corner of the store. I pushed through the curtain and began un-doing the buttons of my most comfortable, old and familiar dark-blue button down. I carefully pulled on the white, fancy material, collared long sleeve and hesitated as I gently worked on each metal clasp. I brushed it out, and fixed the neck appropriately as I observed myself in the mirror. It's not that I was _opposed_ to the attention I would receive; I just felt that this was her way of making me worthy of whatever future she had planned for us.

I sighed, exiting the dressing room while scraping the paper bags I had been carrying along the floor with my foot. She gave me a smile of approval, and held out the black silk tie for me to take. I looked at it shyly, sharing my sliver of embarrassment with her.

"You don't know how to tie a tie?" She guessed, amusement in her eyes.

"It's been awhile." I mumbled. I stood still as she struggled to place the thing around my neck. I could feel her breath tickling my skin as her fingers skillfully worked on the knot. I gazed down at her, studying the perfect features of her face, my eyes resting on her full, pink lips.

"There." She announced, pulling me out of my trance. She stepped back in order to look over me in approval. "Perfect."

I wanted to laugh at her false statement, for I knew that my appearance was nowhere _near_ perfect. But that didn't matter. What mattered was the fact that – for whatever reason – my exterior was causing her to be happier than ever, and I would be happy about it as well.

"Now, how do you suppose we are going to carry all of this stuff with us while we travel? Let's not even _mention _the rest of _your_ clothing back at the hotel." I said.

She rolled her eyes at me, smile still intact.

"I have bags. You have arms." She said matter-of-factly. I couldn't help but laugh out loud as she began to undo my tie.

"I'll pay you back for all of this." I told her, this time speaking softly. She slid the silk off my shoulders, heading to the clerk. She paid the man, and stuffed the tie into one of the bags. She came back to me, shaking her head.

"No you won't. I won't let you." She said simply.

I chuckled, "You're a stubborn little thing, aren't you? How can you even afford all this?"

She smirked up at me.

"Ever play poker with a psychic?"

I laughed at that.

"Can't say that I have."

* * *

The day had seemed to come to a close as we now headed back up to the hotel room, the date set in our minds. Tomorrow we would set out to search for the Cullens in order to find a better life.

My life was already better. My life got better the second she danced right on into it. Her emotions were a constant state of joy, peace and happiness. A climate of which I found myself easily gravitating towards. As long as I could be near her I would be content. And as selfish as it was, I knew that having to share her with five other people would become rather frustrating. I knew that I would be perfectly blissful if we could just stay together on our own, and travel together like Peter and Charlotte had done before they settled into a permanent residence. We could even do _that_ if she truly was attached to the idea of the coven life… but that wasn't what she wanted. I knew what she wanted. And I knew what would make her happy. She was attached to the idea of _that_ coven. The Cullens. That's was what would make her the happiest. And even after just knowing her for a little over twenty-four hours, I found myself dedicated to doing whatever would make her happiest.

Once inside the room, we began to pack our things into the two black duffel bags she had stashed under the bed. A smile came across my face as I listened to her aimless rambling about the Cullens. I listened to some of it, catching a few details here and there. Something about the leader being a doctor, and his mate liking to renovate. I was really only focused on absorbing all the joy that the subject gave her, and observing how graceful she was as she twirled around the room while stashing bits of clothing into the bags neatly. I would be able to recite everything she told me, of course, although none of it really processed through my mind.

I was surprised to find that everything she had bought, on top of her own clothes, all together only occupied two bags. I could have sworn we would have needed at least four. I supposed that her obsession with clothes was something that I would just have to get used to if we were going to be spending what I _hoped_ was the rest of eternity together…

We had finished the packing in a matter of minutes, feeling the need to take our time since we wouldn't be leaving until sunrise. She had pretty much exhausted herself of all the details her latest visions supplied her with. I could tell that it would soon be my turn to talk, for I could feel curiosity taking place of some of the enthusiasm that was stored in her.

"How did you find Charlotte and Peter?" She asked quietly. I could feel that she was shy about it; worried that she might be intruding.

I sighed, setting the bag I had just finished packing onto the ground beside the end table.

"Sorry." She practically whispered, "I didn't mean to…"

"It's fine." I said automatically, not wanting to upset her. "It's just that…"

I paused, trying to find the easiest, less frightening way to put this. I sat down at the edge of the bed, turning to where she was standing. I could feel her hesitation towards sitting across from me, knowing how I had reacted to it before. She continued to stand, arms at her side.

I looked into her eyes, searching for any sign of fear or doubt. Any type of emotion that could cause her to send me out the door. I found none.

"My past…" I started, my voice low and non-threatening. "It isn't as simple as it may have appeared to be in your visions."

She stood there for a while, taking in the words. She nodded slowly with understanding, this time not hesitating to sit on the opposing side of the mattress, her back rested against the headboard. I shifted a little, uncomfortable, but allowed it.

"I wasn't always with Peter." I continued, "Actually, I _created_ Peter."

She looked to me in surprise, but continued to say nothing. I looked at her face then. Her bright topaz eyes and long thick lashes lay on top of her small pointed nose. Her high cheekbones fit nicely into her diamond face, which was crowned with short, dark hair that spiked in every direction. She was _beautiful_, and I would lose all that through the words I was about to say to her. I opened my mouth, but nothing would come out. I _couldn't_ lose her.

"This story…" She whispered quietly, "It has to do with how you got your scars…doesn't it?"

I looked down then, not wanting to confirm her assumption. I felt her move closer to me on the bed, and I tried my hardest not to flinch away from her when I felt her hand come to my face. I looked up at her, and was immediately struck with strong feelings of concern and sympathy. "Don't pity me, Alice," I breathed. I leaned into her touch, and watched carefully as she brought her other hand up to trace over the scar right above my brow. Her fingers were feather light against my stony skin, and her breath fell across my face. Her intoxicating scent filled my lungs as she continued to caress my face delicately.

"Do they hurt?" She asked softly. I closed my eyes, ever so lightly shaking my head 'no'.

The hand that was cupping my cheek now moved lower. She brushed her thumb over my jaw as she came down to my neck, right above my shirt collar. Automatically, my hand flew up and caught her by the wrist, disabling her lingering hand from going down any further. I wasn't about to let her see the worse of them.

My eyes flew open as well, catching her panicked look.

"I'm sorry." She said quickly, her voice high and nervous.

I nodded to her, assuring her that everything was perfectly fine.

"We should pull out the maps again." I said, "Go over the route we're taking, just to be safe."

Her hands dropped back to her sides, and she was on her feet in seconds. I had managed to avoid the topic of my past for now, but it was only a matter of time before it came up again. And when I told her, there was no question that she would ask me to leave.

She pulled the maps out of the bedside table, laying them across the bed. My eyes locked on the bold line cutting through the country.

_How far would I make it?_

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for kind of killing the fluff at the end... heh. Review Please. And thanks to my Beta! - _Passion Assassin_**


End file.
